Category: Creative Writing

Always Finding Something More

I’m tired of this feeling.

The emptiness.

The depression.

The loneliness.

The nothing.

Yet, …

I hear those voices.

People trying to shout something.

What are they saying?

“Keep fighting!”

“Always have hope!”

“You can do it!”

Then I look up to the sky.

They say, “The sky is the limit.”

I think, the sky have full of adventures.

The adventures I want to venture.

If I keep going forward then I know I will find what I’m looking for.

 

 

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What’s Worth It?

Always struggling.

Always rethinking.

Always regretting.

Always being scared.

What is next?

What am I suppose to do?

Sometimes every struggle is worth it.

However, …

What’s worth it when …

you don’t know anymore.

Who you are?

What you want?

Should you do something irrational to do something rational?

What’s worth it anymore,

if nothing improves?

Just maybe …

There is something out there waiting for me.

Something that needs and wants me.

Something that grabs my attention.

Something I’m willing to put my life on a life for.

Something I’m willing to put all my energy into.

Something that is a good distraction that helps me to become a better person and peeks my interests.

Something …

Just something.

Anything.

I’m starting to forget who I am again, instead of remembering the pathetic version of myself.

I’m jealous of my brother because …

He gets everything he wants

While I have to sacrifice my wants and needs.

He run away to do his dreams

While I’m still living with my parents.

He can do anything he wants

While I have to compromise what I want.

He gets a better life

While I’m miserable.

He is the leader

While I’m a follower.

He do not have to deal with Depression

While I have to.

He has a better job

While I’m taking the trash out of the building.

He always gets what he wants

While I’m stuck with nothing.

I’m his shadow.

While my older brother is at grad school, …

I stood behind with my parents and my dog.

Now I feel like I’m not moving on.

I don’t want to feel trapped.

Yet I feel trapped in one place.

I belong here

Because it is my home.

I know I need to go

But where do I go?

I want to do something for myself

But what should I do?

Move out, even though I don’t have the money?

I’m scared and confused.

Someone just help me.

I cried and cried.

No one hears.

I’m all alone with my dog.

Yet I feel lonely even though I’m surrounded by my parents.

I told myself that my parents and my dog are holding me back.

However, the truth is I’m choosing to be held back in this place.

I’m a coward with a blog.

What if?

What if I there’s nothing for me in my future?

What if I become homeless?

What if I lose everything?

What if I don’t figure my life out?

What if I’m not good enough?

What if I become depressed than happy?

What if?

What if?!

I hate it when my mind makes me ask these questions!

I’m basically torturing myself.

I just don’t know.

I’m unsure.

Completely unsure.

Hello?

Is anyone there?

Where am I?

Am I invisible?

If not then why won’t you look at me?

Don’t I matter?

Fine.

I’ll go …

Without you by my side.

All alone.