Month: March 2016

Depression Strikes Again!

It hurls back to you like a boomerang. Always reminding you the worthlessness, hopelessness, restlessness, and sadness. Sometimes you believe everything it says to the point you become frozen in one place. Always feeling depressed. It tends to take all your energy so you feel restless. There are days you want to give up. You know you have been fighting for a good life more than most people. You know you have to fight for your happiness twice as hard than most people. You know you have to survive this illness before it consumes you.

There are always those moments when you think it controls you. You think it is an enemy that plays with your mind. It is only a enemy if you want it to be. The enemy line that you hope you won’t cross again but, in the end, you do cross it. Always feel trapped in one spot. Just frozen and scared.

Am I Delusional?

Always confused

Always uncertain

Always worried

Always stressed

Always hoping

Yet I feel hopeless

Always trying

Yet I fail

Always not knowing who I am

Sometimes I think I’m delusional

because I forgot what I want.

I want to burn that bridge!

So I can move on. So I can finally live on my own. So I can be alone. So I can be someone that I want to become without other’s expectation, particularly my parent’s expectations. I want to know who I am. Figure myself myself out while not living with my parents. I know. I know. I sound like a selfish millennial. Guess what. I am selfish. I don’t deny it. I am selfish. At this point of my life, I think it’s okay to be selfish so I can finally do something for myself instead for someone else. I want to burn that bridge between my family and I so I can finally be who I am. I should be more appreciative to my parents. Let’s just say I’m stubborn and resentful to my parents. At this point, I don’t care. That bridge needs to be burned! It needs to be burned and never build again!