Month: June 2015

Funding Long Term Travel

If you are planning or thinking of doing a long term travel then I recommend you to read this article to help you to fund your travel. Good luck!

How to Fund Long Term Travel – This American Girl

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I need to start taking care of myself.

I live with my parents. I do not have a job. My parents, particularly my mom, is accusing me of stealing and being a terrible daughter to them. Right now my parents, mainly my mom, is being very hostile towards me.

Why am I still living with my parents again?! Oh yeah. I need to get my undergraduate degree to get a good job. At the moment, it feels impossible because of my parents breathing down my neck as if they don’t trust me. I feel like I can’t be sane any longer if they continue doing that. I’m just not sure how much of this that I can take. I just want to try to live a life that I can be happy with. They are just making that idea impossible. Don’t I deserve to be happy or try to be happy? Don’t I?

There are so many ideas of how I’m going to move out. However, I do not have enough money in my bank account to survive one month. So I’m still trying to figure out how exactly I’m going to do that. I thought of asking a friend if I can stay at their home for a while so I can have enough money in my bank to get my own place.

All I know is that I need to start taking care of myself without my parents micromanagements. Yet I’m not completely sure of how to do that.

I’m a late bloomer.

The ugly truth about me is that I’m a late bloomer.

I’m a late bloomer for everything like social interactions, sex, etc.

I didn’t understand anything at all when I was growing up.

I was confused the whole time.

No one explained to me that it was ok to feel this way.

No one explained to me about sex.

No one explained to me why people are so cruel.

No one explained to me what I’m going through.

No one explained to me about religion.

I did not understand.

I was depressed.

I wish someone explained.

I wish my parents explained something to me, but they did nothing.

Now I’m beginning to understand, no thanks to my parents.

I thank my teachers, peers, and professors to help me to understand human behavior and science.

I thank those who are reading these words without judgement and actually understanding me.

I’m a late bloomer, but don’t worry.

I’m getting there.

Just please be patient with me.

Mental Illness and Writing

As we all know, there is a pattern with people with mental illness and level of creativity.

Since I’m into art, writing and music, I actually thought that I’m doomed to be a horrible person who is very talented with creativity of some sort . However, I chose to major in science because I’m interested in the field and try my best about learning the materials. Although, I must admit that I want to go back to my old self to write whatever my heart content.

I keep telling myself that I can live a normal life–bills, mortgage, investment, and other things that every adult do. Sometimes I think that I am fooling myself of me living in a normal life. I always question the possibility of that.

I must admit that living in the woods or by the ocean so I can continue to write, sing, and draw sounds like a life I would love to live. So I’m stuck of choosing which life sounds suitable for me.

Ever Good Enough?

Always self-doubting
Always thinking
Always afraid
Always stuck in one place
Always unsure of oneself
Always questioning whether I’m good enough
Will I?
Always on the edge of the cliff
Being critical of everything I do

Sometimes I just want to know that I’m good enough